Prayer: Lord lead and guide us by your Holy Spirit as we look at your word this morning. In Jesus name, Amen.
How do you feel about submitting to one another? Submission is seen as something we might require our dogs to do, to obey us as we tell them to sit or lie down. Maybe you feel okay about submitting to the Queen. As Christians, above all we are to submit to the King of Kings – Lord Jesus; but to each other??
We are nearing the end of our journey through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. He began by reminding us of the depth of God’s great love for us and the spiritual blessings we have in Jesus. He pointed to the incomparable riches of God’s grace; how we are saved, forgiven, and redeemed, through Jesus’ death and resurrection. He then writes of our calling as Christians to live in unity with one another and to live in the light; turning away from the worldly deeds of darkness. To live morally, generously, lovingly, being filled with the Spirit of God.
Now he turns to specific relationships. Husbands and wives, parents and children, masters, and slaves. We will focus particularly on marriage today.
You may not be married as you listen to this…but I’m sure you’ll find a relevance in your own life and relationships. Paul was a single man as he wrote on these issues. He was keen to see Christians living out their faith in all aspects of their lives as an example of God’s love for all.
Sadly, some have read this passage as endorsing male headship and patriarchy. But if we look at the context that Paul was writing, he was very cleverly turning ‘headship’ on its head!
Christians were being persecuted for their faith and Paul tries to instruct the Christians how to live differently in the pagan world, while still living in the context of whatever Roman or Greek or Jewish society they were in.
Last week Erna pointed out the sexual immorality and pagan rituals that were commonplace in Ephesus.
As we look at the passage today it is important to look at the context of first century marriages, the Greco-Roman household codes that people lived by. Codes that saw the husband as the head of the house, the one with the power. Women were often seen as mere ‘chattels’, with no rights. This was the same for children and slaves. Women were expected to run the home, care for the children…but as far as companionship and pleasure the husband would generally seek this outside the home! Adultery was rife.
Paul’s instructions for Christian households are startling. He might not say outright to do away with the societal household codes, hence he still advises the wives to submit to their husbands as head of the house, but he subverts the codes drastically with his instructions to the husband!
There are several things to note in Paul’s instructions.
Firstly, note verse 21, before his instruction for wives to submit to husbands he says to Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Mutual submission is the overriding instruction here. Giving of ourselves to one another, not abusing power or pushing one’s own agenda. We are to do this out of reverence for Christ, who we are called to submit to.
Christ is our head.
Some theologians look to verse 23 as confirmation that husbands are the head of the family without consideration of the context he was writing. Others, suggest that Paul generally uses ‘head’ as part of the description of the unity with the body. This fits with the theme that Paul has been writing about in Ephesians – the need for Christian unity, especially between Jews and Gentiles, and now he talks about marital unity.
Again, some theologians look back to Genesis and consider God’s created order was for Man to be head of the woman as he was created first. However, Genesis 1 has humankind being created at the same time, equally created in God’s image.
Paul refers to Genesis 2 in this passage; look at verse 32
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Again, this refers to the unity of husband and wife, their oneness. It is in Genesis 3, after the fall, that we read that the husband will rule over his wife. Jesus came to reverse the curse of Adam and Eve’s sin, to restore our relationship with God, to make a way through his death and resurrection for us to live as God had intended. For men and women to live in unity and to rule and be stewards of the earth together as declared in Genesis 1; to become as one flesh when they marry.
I do not think Paul was endorsing headship from Genesis, rather unity and oneness. But he does acknowledge the first century household codes.
As I said earlier, Paul then turns ‘headship’ on its ‘head’ with his very counter-cultural instructions to husbands!
He tells the husband several times to love his wife! This directive from Paul would have sounded extraordinary to most first-century couples! The self-sacrificing, yielding, and unifying love that Paul describes in Ephesians was not an expectation in typical first-century marriages! Far from it.
Paul was not reinforcing the power structures that came with the Greco-Roman household codes, rather he was instructing Christian couples to live in love and unity. To submit to one another. This would lessen the potential for abuse that was often evident due to unequal power balance in the first- century marriages.
A marriage of love and unity would be a Christian example of Christ’s love for his people. Paul exhorts the husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church.
How did Jesus love? He gave up his right to power and humbled himself. As Paul says in his letter to the Philippians chapter 2…
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even death on a cross!
Paul asks the husbands to love like Jesus. To not take advantage of the power they have in their marriage relationships, but rather to put their wives first. To raise them up as Jesus raises us up.
Paul wanted the husbands to lower themselves as Christ did, but also to elevate their wives as Christ does the Church. He tells them to love their wives even as they love their own bodies. In the first century the male body had a much higher status than a woman’s body!
This exhortation from Paul echoes Jesus’ words on the two great commandments…remember those?
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
Paul recognizes that the Christian men in Ephesus needed reminding that Jesus’ command to love their neighbour as themselves, also extended to loving their wives as themselves!
We need that reminder sometimes too…we might be great at caring and loving others, but in our own homes, that sacrificial love and respect might sometimes be lacking!
Sadly, we know that abuse has been rife in some Christian homes, especially in those homes where husbands have been taught or read passages like Ephesians 5 and highlight Paul’s words like “head of the house” and “wives submit to your husbands” and think they have power over their wives, and they misuse their power…just like the Ephesian husbands were doing in their day. They fail to put into practice the most important instructions from Paul on how to love their wives.
The Anglican Church of Australia conducted research into Anglican Family Violence and produced a shocking report in April 2021. It makes me extremely sad to read about the levels of family violence in Christian households. It is a total misreading of Jesus’ message and Paul’s message.
Jesus showed that he valued and respected women. From our gospel passage from John 15 today Jesus says to love one another as I have loved you. Love women and children as I have loved them. Jesus encouraged Mary to sit at his feet as a disciple, Jesus valued the woman who worshipped him and poured expensive perfume on his feet when the disciples wanted to send her away. When the men where about to stone the adulterous woman, Jesus protected her and said, “he without sin cast the first stone”. He welcomed the children to come to him when the disciples tried to keep them away.
Paul is considered a misogynist by some, who encourages male headship and female submission. But as I have pointed out, Paul was speaking into a very patriarchal society and his instructions to husbands were radical. He was turning headship on its head as he repeatedly tells the husband to love his wife like Jesus loves. Not taking advantage of their power but elevating her position. Treating her as equal, seeing marriage as coming together as one in unity.
Paul would be horrified that his words were being misunderstood and misused, causing abuse in Christian marriages.
Paul’s message of unity and love is just as relevant for us today as it was then. While I am saddened and horrified at the family violence statistics from the Anglican research project, I am gladdened that the Church is finally recognizing it as an issue and seeking to change the culture.
In our own Diocese we have a Family Violence Working Group, and it was raised as an issue and discussed at Synod, where we endorsed the 10 commitments from the research project. They include acknowledgement and lament of allowing an environment where violence went unaddressed, promoting a culture of equality and support, affirming that human relationships are to be based on respect and mutuality, and that churches should teach about equality and respectful relationships.
Rectors and parishes are encouraged to participate in a Ridley College course on the issue. I am hoping to do this course with a couple of others, please speak to me if you are interested.
You might have noticed a couple of new posters around that I brought back from Synod. Raising awareness is important, and encouraging people to seek help is vital, to bring the issue out into the light.
Know Family Violence…We’re here to help
And I say to you now, if anything in this topic has triggered something for you, please talk to me or someone you trust. Or if you know someone living with family violence. There are several places to go to for help:
Family Violence Response and Referral line: 1800 633 937
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978
Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800
So, what do we take away from this passage today?
How we live as Christians in our relationships is important. We are to love as Jesus loves us. We are to mutually submit to one another with Christ as the head of us all. We are to respect one another, build each other up. Love others as we love ourselves. There is no place for abusive power in marriages or any relationships. As Paul spoke about unity in the Church between Jews and Gentiles in previous chapters, he continues that theme here between husbands and wives.
This is Paul’s key message. As he states in his letter to the Galatians chapter 3,
In Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptised into Christ have clothed yourself with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Those of you who are, or have been married, know that it is not always easy to love our spouses as Jesus loves, to submit or yield to one another, so we need to ask for God’s help. We need to fill ourselves with his love and be filled the Spirit. This was Paul’s exhortation in the paragraph before his instructions for Christian households; to be filled with the Spirit and speak to one with psalms and hymns. He says similar in the reading which Michael and I chose for our wedding, from Colossians 3; to teach each other through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. To bear with one another and clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
And the most common of wedding readings also comes from Paul…who can tell me what that is? 1 Corinthians 13 where he lists what love looks like; patient, kind, honouring, generous, protecting, persevering. And this list comes after talking about unity in the body of Christ!
From the words we sang earlier, let us invite Jesus to stand among as and join our hearts in unity as we meet as husband and wives, as parents, as children, as friends, as members of the body of Christ.
Let us pray: Father God, we thank you for the great love you have shown us through your son Jesus Christ. Forgive us when we have failed to love as you have taught us. We pray and ask you to help us love one another as you have loved us. We pray that as a Church we will be committed to teaching and modelling relationships based on mutual respect, equality, and with the love that Christ has shown us. In his name we pray.
Amen.