Prayer: Lord, lead and guide us with your Holy Spirit we pray. Amen
My husband Michael and I were married on the 7th of April 1990. It was a wonderful, exciting celebration. Six weeks earlier, on the 19th of February my father died, 2 weeks later my maternal grandmother died and 2 weeks after that the family dog, ‘Honey’ who I had brought home in grade 5, died. Such a lot of grief in a short period of time, grief that I did not fully enter in and experience because of moving on quickly to the celebration of our wedding. The grief came back to bite me several months later. (Just ask Michael)
It is important that we grieve well.
In Western societies we often have not embraced grief and mourning in a healthy way, rather feeling it is a private matter to be dealt with quietly. Today we will look at how David grieved for the death of King Saul and his good friend Jonathan. Jesus also weeps in grief at the death of his good friend Lazarus and with sadness over the city of Jerusalem. Both took time to experience real sorrow before moving on to the celebration…David could now become King and Jesus knew that Lazarus would be raised from the dead.
Firstly, let’s return to our story of David. Last week we saw how David illustrated just how much he was a ‘man after God’s own heart’, when he refused to kill Saul, even when there was an easy opportunity to kill the King who was persecuting and pursuing him for reasons of jealousy and paranoia. David, pre-empted Jesus’ teaching to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. He did not carry out the law of the day – ‘an eye for an eye’. He honoured the King and left the judgement to God.
At the end of 1 Samuel, we see how Saul continues to spiral in his moral character, and he does not stop pursuing David despite the seemingly genuine oaths he had made each time David showed his loyalty to Saul. Saul even goes so low as to disguising himself to go to a medium, a spiritist to enquire about his future. She does not give him good news.
The battle against the Philistines increases and Saul and his sons, including Jonathan, end up dead on the battlefield. Saul was not immediately killed, rather critically injured. He chooses suicide rather than capture.
At the beginning of 2 Samuel, David hears about the death of King Saul and his closest friend Jonathan. He doesn’t respond with relief and shouts of “Hooray, now I am free to be King!” No, rather than rejoicing that finally his pursuer his dead and he can stop fleeing and finally take up God’s anointed position as King himself, David genuinely grieves for the dead.
He leads his men in mourning. They tear their clothes, they weep and fast and then David writes a lament to lead all the people in Judah in grief to honour Saul and more personally for him, Jonathan.
We often hear people being praised in eulogies, only hearing of the good things and good characteristics of their life. David’s lament is no exception, he of all people knew how flawed Saul was, but he does not focus on that here. And perhaps in this situation this was the right thing to do. Saul was King of Israel and he wanted him and his family to be honoured. He grieves in his lament for all who fought with him against the Philistines.
“Oh, how the mighty have fallen”. He also reminds the people of the good Saul had done, ‘Daughters of Israel, weep for Saul, who clothed you in scarlet and finery, who adorned your garments with ornaments of gold.’ Saul had obviously done some good for the economy.
David would also have mourned the loss of relationship with Saul. And there was now no further opportunity for reconciliation. You may have experienced that yourself or know of someone who has. Grief can be more complicated where there has been estrangement of relationship.
David saves his personal outpouring of grief for Jonathan near the end of the lament. He declares how great his love for him was. Jonathan was that rare friend who had loved him through thick and thin. He was loyal, even sticking up for David against his Father, the King. He loved David, even knowing that David would take his rightful place as King.
David loved Jonathan and he was grief stricken.
David shows us as an example of good grief. Taking time to mourn before simply ‘moving on’ to the next thing, even though the next thing for him involved fulfilling God’s anointing and appointing him as King. At the beginning of the next chapter, we read that it ‘was in the course of time’ that David enquired of the Lord if it was time for him to make a move. He did not rush his grief. Very wise.
David was a man after God’s heart for as we come to the shortest verse in the bible, we see that Jesus was not afraid to show emotion either, that he also wept for his friend, Lazarus. And then as he entered and looked down on Jerusalem, he wept again for the people he loved, but who would reject him and then face destruction. Like David with Saul, Jesus longed to have a close relationship with these people. Rather, they would pursue him to the cross where he would die and forgive them, so that reconciliation with God would be possible.
Why did Jesus weep for Lazarus when he knew that he was going to raise him from the dead? Like David he pauses to grieve with the people, before ‘moving on’ too quickly. We see Jesus’ humanity here. He doesn’t laugh and tell Mary to pull herself together, for all is going to be okay. He pauses, he feels her immense grief and those who were grieving with her.
It would have been a noisy grieving scene that Jesus came upon, with much wailing especially from women who had gathered to be with the family. We could learn something from other cultures about letting our emotions out at times, it is not healthy to keep them all locked in, holding back tears for fear of looking undignified.
Jesus may have wept more the grief that Mary was showing, rather than for Lazarus, who he knew he would soon be raising from the dead and would see again. There would be time enough for rejoicing then, for the moment it was right to join the mourning.
Grief is not just about death. We may even grieve things like loss of youth and health, we grieve when there is change. While I may be looking forward to what the Lord has in store for ministry in Philip Island and to being closer to family, Michael and I grieve what we leave behind here; relationships, our lovely house with it’s view and garden, the delights of Hobart.
Jesus grieved when his close disciples abandoned him. When they fell asleep in the garden of Gethsemane, after he had asked them to watch and pray. He felt the rejection of his own Father as he hung on the cross; ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.’ He felt it all, he didn’t hang there, saying, ‘not long now all will be well, I’ll be back soon and raised to sit at my dad’s right hand’.
Jesus took time preparing his disciples for the grief to come, he comforted them as we read in John 14. And he felt grief himself as he hung abandoned on the cross.
That is why when we grieve, we can know that Jesus is the one who understands, who will walk with us, even when others don’t know what we are going through or how to really comfort us. Jesus does. As he wept with Mary, he weeps with us. He does not tell us to rush our grief and get ‘over it’. Though he does give us hope to hold on to.
As Christians, sometimes we can be too quick to ‘move onto the next thing’ and just rejoice that the person we loved is now in heaven. Yes, it is good and right to declare our hope when a Christian dies. But it does not mean we shouldn’t take time to feel sadness and sorrow and to express it!
I couldn’t and I didn’t want to change my wedding day after my Dad, Grandma and dog died, but it did mean I didn’t have the time to grieve well before I moved ‘onto the next thing’ and celebrated my marriage to Michael. He will tell you how the grief came back months later. I had pushed it down, but it needed to come out. There was one night when I thought I was going crazy, I walked and walked then stood under a rail bridge and as a train went over, I let out an almighty wail.
It is good to grieve well, it takes time and our feelings of loss will perhaps never fully go away. But like David, it is wise to stop and acknowledge those feelings, before moving on, maybe even write a lament. It can be helpful to write things down. And know that Jesus knows your pain and journeys with you in it. Look to him for hope, but don’t avoid the journey of suffering before the time of rejoicing. Remember, even “Jesus wept”.
Let’s pray: Lord Jesus help us to grieve well. Thank you for the example of David, one after your own heart who showed ‘good grief’ as he lamented the loss of Saul and Jonathan. Thank you that you are one who knows our sorrows and sufferings and who walks with us. In the midst of our grief may we reach out to you for comfort and hope. In your name I pray. Amen.